So this great quote sums up what’s on my mind:
“Date someone you can have rough sex and deep conversations with whether it’s at two in the morning or two in the afternoon.” -Anonymous
Great quote right?! So I’m not the type to talk about my sex life but hey, that’s why I have this anonymous blog. 😉
So my boyfriend thingy (it’s complicated, refer to my other blog post “defining an undefined relationship” for more info) and I totally have the relationship that I quoted above. Now I’ve had relationships with one or the other, but rarely do both coexist. It’s so refreshing!
I just got out of a relationship in January that was pretty terrible (I’ll probably blog about it sometime or another). But anyways, one of the things that my ex didn’t approve of was my sexual drive. As a woman, he thought it was very weird. Like if he were to find out that I had touched myself during the week, he would look at me with such disgust and disapproval. And the sex was always vanilla (vanilla means conventional, nothing creative or related to kinks/BDSM. In essence it was very dull and soft).
Which is nice sometimes but I like passionate, rough sex. The type of sex that makes you forget about everything. The sex that has a mix of pleasure and slight pain. The lack of control (hands tied, blind fold, pinned down, etc). If you haven’t experienced it, you need to. It’ll take you to a whole other world (maybe not the first time if you’re nervous and the other person doesn’t know what you’re doing but keep trying!)
This is what the sex is like for me. One of the best parts isn’t the sex itself but the mindset. Like seeing the dominance and fiery passion in his eyes as he pins my body down so I’m helpless. Damn it’s so hot. My orgasms with passionate sex like that make my world go all white for a couple of seconds. It’s like everything ceases to exist but the intense pleasure (like I said, you need to try this…it’s like an addictive high). We ended up having sex for hours that night and for three hours on and off that morning until he left. Now I have to wait a whole week until I’m with him again…ugh. I’m definitely going to wear out my toys soon haha.
Now if you’re reading this, this is how it can relate to you…
- Explore: Strive to always explore sexually whether it’s trying something new or doing more of what you love.
- Communicate: Communicate what you like. You never know what your partner may or may not like. However, if you know that you have a very taboo kink, you should mention the more vanilla ones first and go from there. Ease into things.
- Take this quiz: https://bdsmtest.org. Maybe even take it with your partner (I’ve done that many times before). Communicate while you do it what activities you like and what you don’t. It’s a great way to think about common interests. By the way, interests change so re-take it every now and then.
- Spice things up: Buy toys! Now I’m a chicken so I’ve never been to a sex shop but you can buy them off Amazon. There are ones for personal, solitary use and other ones for couple use. It’s a great way to spice things up!
- Don’t settle for less. If you’re in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling you sexually or intellectually then considering moving on. Those are two main things that I’ve found influence other areas of the relationship too. There is someone out there that can excite you sexually AND stimulate you on an intellectual level. Don’t let yourself settle for something bland. Life isn’t bland so don’t let your relationships be that way.
- Connect with others: If you want to find a place for people who have other kinks and would like to read more articles, possible connect with other people, (maybe even date?), there are websites like Fetlife.com for that. Some of the stuff is more extreme than others but it’s a safe space to be yourself.
- Tumblr: Also, I recommend Tumblr for great porn. Yes it’s short videos, gifs, and pictures but it’s nice being able to follow people with common interests.