waiting for a text is modern torture

Dear Diary,

Should you break things off with someone you’re dating if you fear that you may like them more than they like you?

So I’m in this weird relationship thingy (see my past posts for reference). He isn’t huge on being romantic or sweet verbally. He communicates how he feels romantically though actions. Like I had a midterm today and he made sure to text me before the test wishing me luck. But that’s also the only text he’s sent me today and it’s currently 2:30pm. Which I wouldn’t usually care too much (i’d notice but not overly care) because I have a busy life. Well this week has been fairly slow so you start noticing things like when someone doesn’t text much…

He’s also more independent than I am overall. I like texting someone frequently and sending them funny pictures or something. Being in frequent communication is pretty normal for me (it’s also a millennial thing). Now I know that it may not be the healthiest to text frequently because the relationship seems to move faster than expected. But still, I’m used to having someone there when I want them to be (virtually that is). He’s much more of an introvert who values his time on his own. We hang out on the weekends but doesn’t talk much during the week. Which is cool cause I’m extremely busy during the week but still.

I know that how often he texts me/how independent he is doesn’t directly indicate his interest levels in me. For instance, we do spend every weekend together now. But sometimes I get in my head. That maybe this isn’t going to work out because I’m more codependent and he’s not….but me becoming more independent isn’t bad right? Ugh I keep going back and forth.

There’s so much about him I like and part of what I like is how he is independent. But it also scares me. I’m not sure if he can give me emotionally what I need. But do I really need a codependent relationship right now? I just got out of one in January. It’s kind of nice to be in something that’s just about fun, laughter, travel, deep conversations, and sex. Why do I have to ask for more and end things? Maybe what I want/need (what I have currently in this case) and what I think I want/need (something more codependent) are different.

I think it’s the vulnerability that gets to me. Me waiting for him to text me makes my mind start to wander. Maybe he’s not as interested as I am. Maybe he’s too independent for me. Maybe I want something more than he wants.

I’m starting to think that nothing good comes out of thinking about a relationship status for too long. Insecurity and vulnerability start to creep in. Maybe I should stop thinking so much. Or maybe this is my subconscious warning me of potential red flags.

So at this point I bet you’re confused about where I stand. So am I. I’m going to go before I make myself too confused (as a libra I suck at making decisions as you could probably tell).