you don’t need to be afraid

Dear you,

(Message to yourself about starting to deal with childhood traumas and recent recents that have triggered them)

You don’t need to be afraid of what’s to come. What’s to uncover.

Yes there is a lot of stuff to find. There’s a lot in you that you don’t know. A lot that you’ve been struggling with and carrying around like weights holding you down. 

Recognizing their existence doesn’t change anything negatively. You have the weights whether you acknowledge them or not right now. It’s the understanding of these weights. Realization you’re walking through life with them on will ONLY allow you to take them off. To be free. To be free of the fear.

I know you’re afraid. You’re so afraid. You’re afraid of so many memories that are hidden behind a veil. So much hurt and anger and deep sadness behind all of the facade. The scariest part for you is that you’re just now realizing it’s there.

But that’s ok.

You weren’t supposed to find it before. You couldn’t have handled it before. You weren’t ready to find the amount of weights holding you down. To one-by-one address them. Understand them. And take them off. You’re ready now.

Because I know you’re ready now, you can do this. You’re facing this now BECAUSE God knows that you can do this. Don’t be afraid my child. 

I know your inner child is so scared. And you had to use weed to bring it out. But no more weed…obviously haha.

And maybe no more boys.— This is really hard for you. Leaving your safety net. Boys have always been your safety net. 

And you want to ignore this. You want to keep pursuing God and boys. But you can’t. You need to be solely focused on Him if you want to be ok.

Song that just came on right now is called “Breathe” by Kelly Smith. “Letting go is the hardest part…breathe….breathe… fall in my loving arms.” It seems like it was meant for me right now.

Things will be ok. You got this and you’re gonna kick ass at your new job. But I need to get you ready. I need to prepare you emotionally and physically for what’s to come. Because you’re going to be so great. And I’m going to use you to do such great work. You’re going to make a difference. But you gotta be ready. You can’t have your weights if you want to fly. And you can. You will. You will fly like you dreamt about flying in your dreams. Being weightless. You will feel emotionally free from all of these burdens holding you down for years. 

Our job is to stop denying the terrifying or distressing event(s), recognize our emotions, own them, and then begin leaning into the truth and authority of God, who holds the blueprints for our well-being. Only then can we begin to leave negative emotions behind. This is not a quick fix, but with time and practice, the symptoms of trauma can begin to fade – “Reclaiming Sanity” Plan – Day 2 Devotional

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